My Aha Moment – What I have learnt about Me and Motivation

I have just read a really interesting article by Dr Heidi Grant Halvorson called How to make yourself work when you dont want to. - and there lies my problem! Keeping myself motivated and completing  the things I don’t want to do but need to!

AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT FEELS LIKE THIS?

I loved this article as it introduced me to the “Psychology of Motivation”. The more I  read about the science behind Motivation the more I learn about me and how I can control my responses to things that I see as blocks to me actioning and moving forward on my journey. I  look back on the blog I wrote last week and I thought what were you thinking??? I have not given up on believing in the Universe and all the elements that play out in the realm of my  universe but my blog does contain a  hidden element of deflection – in that I  RATIONALISE my lack of motivation and desire to deal with difficult situations  IN MY LIFE by blaming the Universe!!

I am not dismissing how I felt when I was writing my blog last week because those feelings were real – it is only in reflection and with new knowledge that I look back and understand what  the source of my frustration was all about.

 This is what I know ……

I am struggling with  the forces of  Inconsistent  Motivation. I think it is because My Reinvention Journey that I have undertaken this year feels such long way away to achieving my dream – to be a writer and speaker. I so love helping motivate people to go on their journey to achieve their dreams and to know what kind of life they can live that gives them personal fulfilment and of course happiness. You would think that with a plan in place, also knowing the huge rewards this dream will bring me that I would be 100% committed and motivated! Ahhh NOPE…..Why then do I still I struggle with MOTIVATING MYSELF to do the tasks and actions I need to do so that I can achieve that which I desire in my life?

I have read Dr Heidi’s articles, many  blogs and articles on peoples journeys and stories on Reinvention, taking a leap of faith, overcoming tragedy, turning their lives around, achieving their dream and I believe that it comes down to 7 Simple Actions – which they all follow without fail and these actions in my opinion keep them Motivated and on task to succeed

Here are the 7 Simple Actions – with my own tips and comments.….

  1. They have a Mission in that they are CLEAR about what they want (the Dream) they set the Plan and the Actions they need to do to get to their destination
  2. They stayed COMMITTED and  are REALISTIC about their journey (shit happens deal with it and keep going)
  3. They Work Hard  - even when they don’t feel like it (read  Dr Heidi’s article)
  4. They RECOGNISED and SHARED  their vulnerability (take 20 mins to watch Renee Browns speak on the Power Of Vulnerability http://https://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability )
  5. They UNDERSTOOD what Personal Success and Happiness meant for them
  6. They KNEW that they were responsible for their own personal success and happiness (That is they all value the gift we all have which is The Power of Choice)
  7. They are ALWAYS DREAMING ( They can see and believe in their Future)

These 7 actions make up the Power Sources thats drive these people to staying motivated and on track to achieving their dreams. It looks so easy and it is not complicated.

My Personality Type and Motivation

By following these 7 actions LOGICALLY I  SHOULD have the Power Sources for me to staying motivated and focussed on the activities/tasks that are required for me to  achieve my dream. BUT I am just not getting it. In my head I know those 7 actions are the critical ingredients of Motivation – BUT  I need more. I know me and I am great at not actioning what I know is the right thing to do – especially when I dont want to do it because its boring, too hard, etc. I am a Deflection Specialist  ( I made this label up!!) and it is hard to break old habits especially when  I am a so good rationalising and convincing myself  and others why I am unable to to follow through.

THEN I HAD

AHA

…… WHEN I really UNDERSTOOD what Motivation actually means to me.

I read an article on the Temporal motivation theory (TMT). This was the icing on my cake of motivation” When I read this article it really resonated with me. TMT is  an integrative motivational theory developed by Piers Steel and Cornelius J. Konig, the theory emphasises time as a critical, motivational factor. There was lots in the article that I didn’t understand however what I did learn was that according to Steel and Konig

 Temporal Motivation Theory “may help further the understanding of the impact of time, and particularly deadlines, on dynamic attention allocation.”[2] The Temporal Motivation Theory formula can be applied to the human behaviour,procrastination[3][4] and to goal setting“ 

The formula for TMT is…..

\mathrm{Motivation} = \frac{\mbox{Expectancy × Value}}{\mbox{1 + Impulsiveness × Delay}}

here Motivation, the desire for a particular outcome, Expectancy or self-efficacy is the probability of success, Value  is the reward associated with the outcome, Impulsiveness is the individual’s sensitivity to delay and Delay is the time to realization.[6]

I so get this formula  and I failed Maths at School.

My Learnings to Share with you

I am not useless at Motivation –   in regard to health and fitness I am quite disciplined and very motivated. I do get up twice a week at 5.15 am to run 10 kms. I go to the gym 4 times a week and love it. I watch my diet and try to manage my alcohol intake! I never really waiver from my fitness goals.

For me my motivation drivers for keeping fit and healthy are  about creating habits of routine and sticking to them because I love the results I get – looking good and feeling great. Its also about being realistic and not being too hard on myself. I am at an age where being fit is about feeling good about myself and valuing  exercise as it  helps me to manage the stress and challenges of my life – its keeps me sane! Over the years being fit and healthy has become a part of me and my life – so now there is no struggle – my impulsiveness x delay is low and my expectancy x value is high – therefor motivation is consistently high!!

I have without me knowing in one part of my life (Health and Wellbeing) achieved an A+ in following the Temporal Motivation Theory formula!!!

But in one important area of my life I have a tendency to be the Deflection Queen. I think for me especially now why my  Motivation level is low is  because the end result seems such a long way away.  So when I am in this state of flux  and combined with my personality –  Impulsive x Delay is a much higher numerical value than Expectancy x Value –  hence my motivation level drops and  Deflection sets in!

SO WHATS NEXT FOR ME?

I AM GOING TO

  • Increase the value of Expectancy x Value by actioning the 7 key actions listed above
  • Decrease the value of Impulsiveness x Delay by Measuring my Success and keeping track of my progress. (note to self…..I need to keep Celebration Journal that measures by Progress and Successes )….this will keep me on track, on task and hopefully Motivated. I have a feeling I can do this.

Discovering the  TMT formula was an aha moment for me around my struggle with motivation and procrastination.  If you are struggling with motivation in what ever area of your life look for the motivation drivers that gives you that Aha moment that will help you get on track to achieving what ever it is that you desire you want in your life.

A tip…

Before you start do some preparation work on you, get a journal and write down the answers to the following 3 questions

  • What do you love doing and how do you stay motivated to keep doing what you love? (do not judge – acknowledge what you love to do)
  • What aspects of your life today are going well and what do you do to keep it good?
  • What are the behaviours/thoughts/actions  that  are not serving you so well and are preventing you from living your life to its fullest potential?

Now  you can start your Journey to discovering that AHA moment that will open you up to new learnings and better understanding about YOU and what  you need to do to achieve those things in your life that you desire.

Keep the faith you and I will Succeed….

 

 

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For God’s sake UNIVERSE give me a Break

I am stuck. I haven’t written anything for ages and I feel like I have lost my way. I  am struggling  to write this blog – I am waiting for inspiration. For two hours I have sat here and paced the room and its not happening.  Its a horrible feeling being stuck and some of the reasons why I am stuck lie with me however certain parts of my life at the moment really SUCK. I know that I am meant to be positive and show gratitude for the good things in my life and I do and I am grateful but for god sake universe give me a break!!

Lets look at what I am grateful for right now in my Life (hopefully help me feel better)

  • Great family and my kids are fantastic
  • Great friends
  • Healthy and Fit
  • Comfortable home and life
  • Generally a positive outlook
  • A dream, goals and an action plan to achieve that dream
  • Some financial resource

So its a pretty good list however lately I feel that Life has been testing me and I just want a break. Do you ever feel like you just want a break from learning Life’s Lessons? I am 54 years old I reckon I have the world figured out –  I am self aware, naturally a positive thinker, love people and great relationship builder. I am mindful of others and don’t want to be around people who have negative energy. I don’t abuse them but I just don’t want them in my life – its too hard and I just want to hang out with people who understand me and like me for who I am – the good and not so great ME!

Lately I have been really been tested around being Generous of Spirit – in some ways I feel like the Universe (or whoever) is testing me –  to learn more life lessons! In the last 18 months I have been made redundant 3 times – this has had a huge impact on my life  - financially and emotionally. The first 2 redundancies were predicted by me and I will be writing another blog about “how to survive triple redundancies” Believe me I have some life lessons to share.

However with the 3rd redundancy I didn’t see it coming and the reason why I was made redundant was solely because of  incompetent, egotistical and generally nasty decision makers in the business. One person in particular is a “Covert Bully” – a smiling assassin and has wrecked havoc on the business. With these type of people in power you as an employee are powerless in some ways and when I was made redundant there was really nothing I could do. Despite being a top performer and only in the job for 6 months I was out of there – Shit Happens! So three months go by and I am looking for work as bills have to be paid and I get a call from the new CEO asking if I can come in and help. They are in trouble delivering key services and the new person who will be taking over my job (different title) wont be starting for another 6 weeks. One part of me wants to tell them to go to Hell however reality kicks in and I like the new CEO so I say Yes.

I sit in my old office, open up my computer and nothing has been touched – emails are still there and its 3 months later – imagine the shit I had to sort out. So I get to work sort it all out and 6 weeks later (this morning) I am sitting in my office at my computer handing over to the new person all the info relating to my job. She is a great lady and its not her fault and I want to help her but boy is it hard to be Generous Of Spirit! What is the lesson I am meant to learn –  is there a lesson? Maybe we are all being sucked in to thinking that if you follow the Principles of Life – the Universe will provide. Maybe the Universe is punishing me for not liking the book The Secret?? That was one book I couldn’t get into and also couldn’t figure how why people loved it so?? It was just too positive for me – too wishy washy. I wanted to know how to deal with people who I have to see 5 days a week and have such bad energy that I just dont want them in my life. How do you interact with them on a daily basis, watch them play their power games and try and deflect the power of  their negativity? Nope the Secret did not offer me any tips on how to handle those situations in my life.

I was, I believe Generous in Spirit to the new person.  Even though I know I am the best the person to do  the job –  the fact of the matter is that I am not wanted. My qualities, experience, personality and passion for the job is not valued by the people who are the decision makers. I now have take a deep breath, refocus, dig deep into my inner self and go out and find work. Rejection is a given, so guess its back to having more than 1 glass of wine each night (The Secret doesn’t even consider wine as a option for coping) Getting back into my Reinvention Project, write more blogs and just keep going. I am not going to figure out what the lessons are the Universe is trying to teach me – maybe shit just happens and its all about getting back on board and sucking it up???

PS Gosh I feel great after writing this –  off to have a glass of wine and watch TV!

Posted in 2014 My Reinvention Diary - A 12 month Journey, My Life Experiences | 2 Comments

“We are only 1 small adjustment away from making our life work”

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As I sit in front of my laptop contemplating my topic for this blog this statement popped into my head….

” we are one small adjustment away from making our life work”.

I recently watched the movie “How do you know?” with Paul Rudd and Reeese Witherspoon and in one scene   Paul Rudd is explaining to Reese Witherspoon the significance of  a  gift he was giving which was”Play Doh”  It was beautifully wrapped and he told her the story about the origins of Playdoh. This guy invented it Playdoh and he used it to do a number of things – which I cant remember. Anyway this guy’s sister comes along and says why don’t you make the mixture in different colours and children can play with it –  he made the adjustment added the colour and that is how we got Play Doh! Paul then goes on to say that the story of the Play Doh illustrates that “we are one small adjustment away from making our life work” Paul desperately loved Reece who was with someone else and all she had to do was make one adjustment (say yes to Paul) and her life would be complete (in Paul’s eyes). She did eventually and they lived happily ever after.

I don’t know why the statement resonated with me –  but it did, so much so that when he said it I wrote it down in my diary  - not on a piece of paper which I knew I would lose.

This past week when I have looked at my  12 month plan on the wall in front of me I felt scared and overwhelmed. It feels unreachable and  seems to take so long –  I want it to happen now! Then self doubt comes in (thanks Dirty Harry) and I have started to question myself about my progress, what have I achieved, may be I should be more focused, more practical, more determined blah blah blah!!

I think  the reason why this statement popped in to my head now as I write this blog, is that Angel may be gently reminding me that I need only worry about those small adjustments rather than looking ahead and thinking “oh my god  this dream and these goals that I have set for the next 12 months  are just to  too big and scary” – which is EXACTLY what I have been thinking and feeling this past week.

This week has been full of lots of  I don’t know statements and I think Angel has got a bit pissed at me and said ok the  FOCUS  IS ON THE NOW so “make that one small adjustment to make your life work right now”.

Its kind of weird don’t you think that when I started to write this blog I had no topic in mind – actually it was a big blank. Then Angel (the universe) or whatever  sends me a sign

So I guess  this next week is  about me deciding what that small adjustments is that I need to take to  make my life work right now!

I will keep you posted on what  my small adjustment is for this week coming!

Be great if you could  let me know in the comment box below  what your 1 small adjustment is that you need to take to make your life work right now?

Keep on making the change :)

Cheers

Kathryn

Posted in 2014 My Reinvention Diary - A 12 month Journey, My Life Experiences | Leave a comment

Two Steps Forward One Step Back – My Dance with Commitment

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It has been an interesting week since my last blog and I will update you all on my progress with Dirty Harry and Angel later in this blog. But in the meantime lets look at my progress to date! As you all know the Dyer & Blomfield Dream Team Matty and Menilik have created for me a 12 month plan for reinvention. This plan is divided into  9  key areas with set tasks and milestones that  I along with their help have COMMITTED to action on my journey of Reinvention! By following these key tasks and activities by the end of 12 months I should be:

  1. Closer to my dream of becoming a writer and speaker
  2. Closer to building Dream Plan Act as a resource centre for a global community of collaborators who inspire empower and support each other to embrace and celebrate change so that they are able to to live positive healthy and fulfilled lives.

So where am I right now? Well, I am a little (a lot for some)behind with the following:

  1. Sorting out my case studies – (this is about my clients praising me)
  2. Gathering contact addresses and getting my friends to promote me
  3. Finding out what events I want to try and speak at
  4. Start engaging with various bloggers of interest
  5. Exploring potential partners

So as I review my progress to date, the question I have to ask myself is – “Are you pleased with your progress Kathryn?” Now this is where right now as I write this I am toying between  Dirty Harry and Angel! If I rationalise it Dirty Harry would have me saying “YES I AM HAPPY WITH MY PROGRESS” – which as we know is the answer I want to hear however Angel is saying “Umm maybe but have you really been committed?” And so this is where my commitment dance begins because I am making progress (2 steps) and then I take one step back……and believe me I can justify the REASON WHY  I have HAD TO TAKE that one step back! Dirty Harry pops up with a list of very valid reasons….

  • I still need to get myself sorted – so need to do more research (delay tactic)
  • I need to meet now with various people because networking is important and easier to do rather than sitting down and writing my blog or posting on Dream Plan Act’S Face Book page (distraction and a procrastination tactic)
  • I need to sort the house out and the kids before I sit down to work (delay tactic)
  • I should focus on getting a job NOW as we need the money (which we truly do) and its a safer and less challenging option (Dirty Harry and FEAR)

So it goes on my Dance with Commitment – BUT STOP I have done 1 thing this week that I am proud of……..

Two Steps Forward

I have created and posted on the Dream Plan Act Facebook page the “Wonder Women Walkers” group. The WWW’s is for women  who want to get serious about COMMITTING to actioning and achieving a Personal Goal that they have set for 2014. This personal goal can be either a life goal, weight loss, getting fit or all 3. The Walks will provide the WWW’s with an opportunity to get to better understand their personal DRIVERS (ANGEL) that motivates them to COMMIT and COMPLETE their goals and what their INTERNAL BARRIERS (DIRTY HARRY) are that distract them or excuse them from achieving their personal goal. The WWW’s sign up to walk for 1.5hours  every Sunday @ 8am for 6 weeks and they pay $120 on Walk 1. We have a coffee and a debrief at the end of the walk and set our  To Do actions for the week.

One Step Back……

Its  a great concept and I have had lots of people LIKE the page however to date only 2 people have joined up:( .

Walk 1 starts this Sunday and one of the woman who has signed up cant make it for Walk 1 ……here lies my dilemma what is my next FORWARD step? Its great having the idea and promoting the idea but IMPLEMENTATION can be a problem for me. I think why this is so, is because I thrive on ideas and creativity – thats where I get my buzz. Getting participants for the WWW’s is HARD SLOG – even though everyone you talk to tells you what a great idea it is! I even went out and spent $37 in promoting the page to 10,0000 people!! I wasn’t meant to spend that much but somehow I pressed “promote page” and didn’t read the DETAILED INFORMATION!! So even with this wonderful idea which I know will be a huge success for those women (2) who join up will personally benefit and experience huge growth – I am struggling with my commitment to the cause…..(DIRTY HARRY conversation)

One Step Back continues……

My Confession to ANGEL……..this afternoon in my backward step with commitment I applied for a  job!!

Angels Response…”EEK – what have you done Kathryn???? This is not the plan. Yes, you need to make some money but you have a dream and a plan – which does not have space for a job?? Part time work is ok and would be a huge help to easing the financial burden what the heck are you doing???

MY RESPONSE

All I can say Angel is that I am learning to get better at Dancing with Commitment. Give me some time to adjust and figure out how I can be the best I can be at Dancing with Commitment.

 

Posted in 2014 My Reinvention Diary - A 12 month Journey | 4 Comments

My First Step on my Reinvention Journey – Dealing to Dirty Harry & Listening more to Angel

THE FIRST STEP: 

There are people out there that are good at identifying their First Step to start their personal journey and off they go! Then there are people like me who can spend YEARS figuring it out. These years were not wasted however as I have gathered lots of information, had many life experiences that have all contributed to me getting to know who I am BUT there has to come a time when I have to ask; “Is what I am actually doing serving me and taking me closer to living my dream??? The answer is NO it is not and  then I have to ask WHY NOT?

I think I may have a major part of the answer as to WHY NOT? There are of course a number of other factors I need to consider as they too are  limiting my progress to achieving my dream but this is my First Step so let me just deal with this – the other stuff can wait.

In my previous blog I wrote about the many years I have been  chasing my dream to be a speaker and writer and that I was starting to feel like I was participating in a running race  - getting to the start but never reaching the finishing line!

I have decided that I don’t want this “Ground Hog Day Feeling” anymore – taking the same steps to the start line over and over again. As I have had a lot of success at starting but not finishing I figure that to get this journey underway and REAL PROGRESS made –  i.e getting close to and even over the finish line  - I need to get to know those “behaviours, thoughts and actions” which are RISKS for me and  will impact my progress, focus, direction and commitment.

My biggest RISK by far is Dirty Harry  and my biggest ASSET is Angel

Dirty Harry                  Angel                    

Background: Dirty Harry & Angel

I have 2 voices in my head as everyone does and for a long time (years and years) probably since I was 5 years old I have been listening to the voice that “doesn’t serve me well”…… my Bad Thoughts who I have recently named DIRTY HARRY!.   My Positive Thoughts  I have called Angel. She has always been with me though she is much quieter than Harry and to hear what she is saying you really have to listen hard.  Dirty Harry is loud domineering, rationale and very persuasive – he knows that what he says is what you want to hear!! Angel often will say things that I know I should do or act on but it seems too hard and it is always easy to follow Dirty Harry’s advice!

If  don’t figure out how to manage Dirty Harry then he will have a significant impact on  the progress I make on this journey. Angel on the other hand is more supportive and intuitive and she wants to see me succeed . I need to get to know her and listen to her because if I do then my progress will soar!

Managing Dirty Harry is a big job and it wont happen over night however I have taken some action and tried to identify some of  the current Dirty Harry thoughts I have been listening to lately ( I have listed some of them below). I know that there are many more negative thoughts, however I remember reading somewhere that if you name  the “Voice and “Thoughts” that are not serving you well then they become real to you. They are no longer just thoughts in your head, buried deep and hidden away only to come out when you are at your most vulnerable – which is when I am most likely to listen and act on! When I hear the voice of self doubt and fear I know exactly who is talking and I have a choice now to listen and act on the “negative thoughts or beliefs” or I can listen more closely to the voice of my truth and my self belief – Angel who supports me and wants only the best for me.

Why the hell do I listen to Dirty Harry????

My Current Top Seven Thoughts from Dirty Harry – not ranked in importance!

  1. My financial reality is bad  and chasing my dream is not really going to secure my future –  I wont make much money from living my dream – more like a part time thing. Getting any job would be more logical and far more likely to get me closer to easing the present financial burden!!
  2.  Just take any job because it is much harder to get a job I really want or deserve because I am old and there lots of people looking for jobs . Be grateful I have a job – even if it is not what you want.  I am  too experienced to get a well paid job?? Nobody values my experience skills and knowledge so be grateful for what I can get.
  3. Put my dream of building Dream Plan Act on hold because it is too risky and far too hard to be in business for myself…JUST GET ANY JOB – it will be some much easier for everyone including you Kathryn! Working in my own business is really hard work and I have to sacrifice everything and even then I have no guarantee that I will be successful – I haven’t yet so why should I be now?
  4. There are times in my life where I have to do things that I don’t want to do and even though my GUT is telling me this is dream chasing is the right thing to do – don’t listen to it because I don’t deserve to be successful. I don’t have the credentials for success. So just be happy with being comfortable,  adapt and do what everyone else does – live a secure and comfortable existence. Everyone else does it – so why cant I?? Why do I want more for me??
  5. Number 5  is really made up of an unlimited number of questions and many of these questions still sit with me as I write this – Can I really do it – go out on my own and build my business – do I have what it takes – focus, commitment, discipline? I have no financial backing and I have huge financial commitments – I really don’t believe I deserve success because everything else I have tried I have FAILED!! Its really really tough having your own business – financial success is limited and really only happens to other people in USA because it has a bigger population!!!! New Zealand is too small!!
  6. Dirty Harry consistently pushes this one too….Kathryn you are 54 ,I should have figured out what I  want to do by now? Everyone around you has their lives sorted and they are very successful because they did the right thing and made the right choices. Why haven’t I? Maybe it is safer that I get a any job and prepare for my retirement….which by the way I are NOT prepared for!! Now thats another thing to worry about.
  7. I have been made redundant 3 times in 18 months – with 1 job I only lasted 3 months – now that is a failure right there Kathryn. No one I  know has had that happen to them so there must be something wrong with me? I need to play the “game” head down butt up get on with it. Don’t question or challenge I need to change things about me as its not working because I keep loosing my job. Maybe I didn’t work hard enough?

I am going to stop at 7 – there are many more negative thoughts stored up but I am getting exhausted just thinking about it all. I think if you are reading this you will get the common themes of self doubt, fear, self persecution, failure, rejection. Getting a job and  putting my dream on hold for awhile is another line of thought Dirty Harry is currently plugging to me. Because of the internal pressure and external pressures I am feeling whether they are real or not – this current thought is appealing right now! Just thought I would let you know:)

Ending one a more positive note –  I do feel better as I now have a name to my beliefs and thoughts that don’t serve me well and as soon as they pop into my head I know its Dirty Harry. For the next 24 hours I am going to note every time Dirty Harry and Angel speak and what they say. I have a feeling that Dirty Harry will win the first few rounds however Angel is strong and I know she will be winning at the end!

I will be updating you as to  how Angel is going and where Dirty Harry is. Maybe you could start figuring out what your Dirty Harry has been saying to you lately and start getting closer to your Angel.

Until next time…….

Kathryn

 

 

Posted in 2014 My Reinvention Diary - A 12 month Journey | 2 Comments

Day 1 The Beginning of a 12 month Journey of Reinvention

MY DREAM IS TO : become a writer and speaker, earning my living travelling the world sharing my stories, experiences and resources to help people identify the STEPS that they need  to take on their journey toward a happy and personally fulfilled life! The vehicle to which I want to achieve this dream is through my business DREAM PLAN ACT

YEARS OF CHASING MY DREAM

I am 54 years old and after going through 3 redundancies in 18 months (thats another story)  I have finally realised that to get what I want in my life and to live my dream I need to try a different tact! I am at a point now where it feels like a Ground Hog race where I keep going to the starting line, I have done all the preparation, the training and have the right gear (so I think), the gun goes off and I am running backwards away from the starting line. I never get to the finish line!  I have been doing this consistently for years. Those who know me well and love me say to me “you can do it and we believe in you – you have so much potential” Now a part of me believes what they say but the other does NOT BELIEVE IT to be true at all!

A longtime friend said to me early last year that 2014 would be my “Power Year”.  She said 2014 would be my opportunity to  learn how to “chase my dreams and to trust my self”!!  I was a little shocked because I thought that I was chasing my dream and I did believe in myself so I asked her what was she talking about? Her reply and it was a very direct reply was in essence “Your dream is real and you have worked out your plan and actions but its all in your head and you are not even getting past the starting point of the journey. WHOA WFT. That was a bit of a wake up call BUT I managed to convince myself that I was actually ok and that I could put that feedback in a drawer and get it out later. Nov 2013 I was made redundant for the 3rd time in 18 months! GUT WRENCHING STUFF – rejection, revaluation and remorse!  SO FINALLY I go to the draw and start thinking about her comment and YEP she is right. I have become an expert at make believe and acting like I am chasing my dream.  I  have convinced myself that I am on track to achieving my dream. But what is really happening and this had been going on for years, is that there is lots of action, lots of talking, some results BUT no real PROGRESS.  No real feeling of achievement that I  am even getting close to living my dream.

Now I don’t want to be too harsh on myself or be seen to be beating myself up. I am not and I have achieved and done some great things. I have had some bad luck along the way – who doesn’t? However I do need to have a real look at myself and figure out what it is I really want to do. I am 54 years old time is running out. The opportunities to live your dream or at least give it a go are becoming influenced by the reality of getting older. My reality of being 54 going for it and chasing my dream is very different to being 30 and chasing my dream! Its a fact – it can be limiting but not impossible, its just that I need to consider a different plan to what I would have maybe considered at 30

My 3 redundancies in 18 months really did kick me in the guts. There is only so much rejection I can take and the energy it takes to get a job is huge and draining. When I was made redundant for the 3rd time in November 2013 my good friend Jan ( a wise soul) said to me “you have no more options left, why don’t you go and do your thing” “Go Live Your Dream”.

So here I am at Day 1 - the beginning of a 12 months Journey of Reinvention -To to get different results I have to change what I am doing and that is why I have taken on board this journey of REINVENTION. I will be writing a diary about my journey and it is scary and overwhelming. I still don’t have 100% belief in me, I still have layers of self doubt and years of secretly believing I don’t deserve to be living my dream so this is going to be a challenge for me.

Support and Resources

I cant do this alone and I have been blessed with the support and resources to help me undertake this journey. What is weird is, that when I look back the universe has actually being trying to help me and has been providing me with resources   but for a number of reasons (which I will write about in another blog) I wasn’t ready and I didn’t know how to utilise the resources that were being presented to me.

My Help & Resources

I have huge support and people who believe in me and my dream – which is fantastic. With their help this 12 month journey is about me learning how to actually stay focussed, trust myself and believe in achieving my dream!My great friend Jo has always been my supporter through thick and thin. She has been a referee for all of my jobs and has never judged. She sees my potential and she gets my dream. She also understands my personality and provides me with realistic feedback – which is sometimes tough to handle although very deserving. She is really supportive of me taking this journey and will be helping me along the way. No doubt you will hear more about her in later blogs

In early 2013 2 young handsome digital marketing strategists Menilik and Mattie entered into my life. These talented men had just taken the leap and left their jobs to set up their own digital strategy business (click Dyer Blomfield to go to their website). We connected and even though they are only a few years older than my son we have become very good friends. They want me to achieve my dreams – they love the concept of Dream Plan Act and they believe I should be out there sharing my messages, thoughts, opinions and experiences! Like Jo they too believe in my potential, skills, knowledge and abilities. These guys were very keen from the start to help me and they developed a “digital marketing strategy” that would grow and promote Dream Plan Act to be a community of dream and action collaborators.

The Strategy – Kathryn Sandford (DPA) 2014 Timeline for Reinvention

Mattie and Menilik have created a  12 month project plan with milestones and tasks. This is the road map to me Reinventing Myself to achieving my dream. I don’t  know where I will end up or what is going to happen over the 12 months – but this I promise – it will be a hell of a journey with lots of laughter, learnings, mistakes, failures and celebration!!!  So come on the journey with me as I would love  your feedback, support and encouragement.

Be sharing with you again very soon

Here is to REINVENTION – the journey of change

Kathryn xoxo

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Menopause and Me…weight gain and how I have dealt with it

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I wrote a blog some time ago about “Losing 5kg” and guess what it didn’t happen! Why because I didn’t realise that my body and mind had been taken over by something I couldn’t control….Menopause! When I reached 50 I celebrated and had a huge party. I looked Hot and everyone told me at my party how HOT I was!! They all loved it and I was looking forward to my 50′s – a time where I felt empowered and ready to take on the fabulous 50′s!

Well what a journey… 4 years later….I have put on 9 kilos – despite exercising 5-6 times a week (3 x 10kms runs, 3 x gym work, 2x balance classes plus the occasional 8km walk). To me this is an active exercise routine and for many years it kept me at a fit healthy 60kgs – with an occasional fluctuation of 1-2kg. So where did this 9kgs come from??? It took 4 years and the journey of discovery about Menopause  to finally understand where this 9kg came from. After many failed attempts to lose this 9kg, feelings of confusion, self doubt, low energy and the list goes on I think I might have found an answer get me back to where I want my body to be!  So what is the answer?  It is the #Ultimate Fat Loss and Body Resculpting Programme by Dr Sherrill Sellman. I have only been on the programme for 9 days and lost 3kg! I feel fantastic and energised and I don’t get hungry!  The first 5 days were hard…REALLY HARD and YES I had to give up my wine – no alcohol and my daily flat white coffee for 23 days. I believe I can do this and I am going to keep you all updated on how I am going.

If you want to know more about Dr Sherrill Sellmen go to her website #www.whatwomenmustknow.com

The other reason as to why I am committed to doing this is because I paid for it!! I purchased the programme in mid November  however it took me until January 20th to COMMIT. I kinda of knew but didn’t want to admit that by doing this programme I was going to have to be disciplined to lose weight and I would also have to CHANGE the lifestyle and eating habits that I have followed for over 30 years!!! Now thats the real reason as to why it took me nearly 2 months to commit.

I am slowly (really slowly) learning to live with and accept my  Menopause Journey of Change. It is not all doom and gloom…thank god.  The journey of change does deliver some fantastic experiences and learnings that can only enhance our lives for the better. Often it is not about reaching your destination but celebrating and enjoying the journey itself! So I am also going to be writing a lot more about ME and Menopause –  so many things have happened to me as I undertake this journey.  I have  suffered because of my limited understanding about Menopause – its impact on me not only physically but also mentally…..watch this space because if my experience can help ONE  other FEMALE on the Menopause Journey then I am happy. So much comes from sharing our feelings, experiences and thoughts – we need to do more sharing I reckon.

Catch ya at my next blog update and please share this blog with those who you think it may help.

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More Questions about Life to consider now that I am 50+

I remember being 20 years old in 1980 and  considering the question…

“What would my life be like when I am 40 in the year  2000?”

 At 20 years old I assumed that my life  would be sorted – financially independent, great job and successfully achieved all my goals and aspirations – 40 was OLD and of course I would have it sorted. Yeah Right! I had no idea and no concept about  what my life journey would be all about – the challenges, the pain, the sorrow, the joys, the complexity, the tragedies the betrayals, the failures, the successes, the mistakes and I could go on. At 20 I thought it was all about achieving your goals – that was Personal Success to me. I never once considered My Life Journey and what that would look like for me and how important that would be to shaping me into the person I am today.

The real funny thing is that now I am at 50 and I look back at me at 40 and guess what I had NO IDEA about what life would look like for me at 50. Like the 20 year old at 40 I thought well I will get to 50 and have everything sorted! Now I am here and guess what….. I haven’t got it sorted and that’s a bugger cause now I have to think about what kind of  life journey I want to undertake as I move through my next 10 years when I hit 60 years old.

So now I have more life questions to consider and these questions center around my journey  through my 50′s into my 60′s. When I was 20 I was happy to think 20 years ahead and now at 53 I can only cope with a Life vision of 10 years ahead… the fear of being 70 is just too scary and way to old for me to cope with at the moment!

My questions about Life now that I am 50 plus are about my Life Journey and the path that I want to take. My questions are also about the choices I will make that are going enhance and empower me to live a life that is full of “life experiences” – with no regrets, balance and perspective!!

Watch this space as the questions I am now considering I will be sharing – you never know what the Universe will present in regard to the answers I am seeking………

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My Life as an Adult Orphan

We lost our parents within 2 days of each other and that event shattered our lives into a million pieces. My brothers, my sister and I for 8 years have carried our pain and grief in different ways however I know our hearts were broken the day Mum and Dad died.  I remember sitting around the dining table and my eldest brother looked at us and said “oh my god we are now orphans”. The four of us looked at each other with shock and the pain of loss – the loss of unconditional love, the loss of knowing that no matter what happens you had someone to turn to who loved you , the loss of having a connection with someone who knew how you were feeling just listening to your voice, the loss of hearing the words…”its going to be alright”, the loss of knowing my children were not going to grow up with grandparents who had so much to share and teach them about life, so many wonderful stories to tell were no longer going to be told.

Its a peculiar thing been an adult orphan because the term “orphan” is accepted as being when a child’s parents die. The world accepts and understands that concept of “being a child orphan”. It is so tough as an adult orphan because you feel that you have to get on with your life and so you shut away your  pain and grief . You keep going because that is what is expected of you.  Inside however you are still that orphan child feeling the intense pain, the grief, loss  disconnection and bewilderment.

Orphans Syndrome

 I read this article about “orphan syndrome” – which is a condition that a child can suffer from as a result of their parents dying. What is interesting though, is that orphan syndrome can manifest in adults and it is quite a common condition but not really talked about. The most likely time in an adults life where the condition can be triggered is between the ages of 40-50 years old. Orphan syndrome for an adult is  more like a prolonged period of mourning where the intensity of grief never really subsides. In fact the feelings of grief become more acute, particularly if you had a close relationship with your parents.

I have been mourning the loss of my parents for 8 years and realized when I read this article that I suffered from “orphans syndrome”. This condition explained the feelings of loss, sadness and anger – such as getting pissed off when I  see my friends with their parents and it feels really unfair. I am a pretty optimistic, confident and positive person and the article also explained why all my fears,self doubt, angst and questioning of my purpose in life, my mortality and knowing that it will be me next in line to die etc have taken over my life  and  dominated my self talk and conversations in my head!

The article also talked about “disenfranchised grief” – which is where grief is not really appreciated when you lose your parents as an adult.  When your elderly mum or dad dies often the first question is “how old were they? Oh well they had a good innings” Because I lost Dad and Mum within 2 days of each other I would be told “Oh  thats sad, your Mum and Dad couldn’t live without each other…or “Well at least they are together” One comment that really got me was “well its quite romantic how they both went together after such a long wonderful marriage” The intense grief you are feeling is instantly dismissed because your parents died at an age where you are an adult and they were old so it is to be expected!  Quite unbelievable!

Where to from here?

When Dad & Mum died my life was thrown into shock and turmoil – an emotional roller coaster which I believe is now near the end of its run. The article on “orphans syndrome” has literally lifted the weight of grief and sadness that I have been carrying for over 8 years. I know that my parents would not want me to mourn them and be sad. They would want me to live my life to the fullest and to be happy!

I believe that “orphan syndrome” is a rite of passage that as an adult orphan I have travelled through. I am now entering into a phase of my life which feels more like it will be all about celebration! Celebrating my parents, their life and their legacy that lives through me and my children. Those happy family memories now need to be shared and enjoyed – not hidden!

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My Friends are Priceless

Recently I and a new found friend facilitated our first seminar together. We decided at the last minute to give it a go. The night of the seminar arrived and the participants turned up 4 very loyal old friends and 3 very loyal new friends. Though there were only 7 people there –  the energy in the room felt like you were speaking to thousands. It was unbelievable and overwhelming to be present with a group of women who so want you to SUCCEED. They were itching to provide us feedback about what they thought we could do to improve the seminar, they saw the potential, they got the dream…they weren’t holding back with their feedback because it meant that it would help us to succeed.

Yesterday I had arranged to have coffee with friend who I don’t see a lot and when we are together we laugh and have so much fun. At 8.50 am she text me to say she would pick me up at 9.30 am. At 9 am she called to say she couldn’t come as she had just received a call to say her best friend had died suddenly. My friend had only FB her friend the day before. I couldn’t stop thinking about it….I dont know how I would cope to lose one of my best friends in a second!

Another of Life’s lessons I thought -”your Life can change in a Nano second! Embrace and Surround Yourself with your wonderful friends. Make the time to be with them, to have the coffee, to go to the movies - don’t put it off because you are too busy OR  think about making the call and then get distracted – Friends especially your life long friends are priceless and once they are gone –  they are never going to come back.”

We do have friendships  that will come and go in our lifetime as they only are needed for a particular time in our lives. However for a friendship to last a life time then, that is something very special – there is a connection that transcends time and space. You know that wherever you are in your lives you will always be friends – that you may not see each other for a long time –  sometimes even years – however you will pick up right from where you left off. Life time friends are forever and are priceless – make the time, spend the time and celebrate the gift of having best friends in your life

To all my friends the guys and the girls – Love you allFriends-for-life1

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